So, you and your partner have been together for a while and people are beginning to ask you, "So when are you two going to have a baby?"
Maybe becoming a mother has been something you have thought about since you were a little girl playing with dolls or perhaps it has taken you more time to warm up to the idea. No matter at what stage of the thought process you are , having a baby is a serious commitment that is worth discussing and planning for. Most people plan their educational endeavors, career plans, and weddings down to the smallest details, yet when it comes to planning for a baby, most don't give it as much attention.
So what exactly should you and your partner be discussing? In the first part of this Baby Maybe series, I am going to focus on the mental and spiritual aspects of planning.
1. Is our relationship stable enough to bring a child into it?
The strength of your relationship will determine the strength of your family for your family is an extension and a reflection of you both. Ask yourselves these important questions and be honest:
These questions are important because having a child will not fix problems in your relationship. Now is the time to identify them and work on them accordingly. You will find that many of your issues as a couple stem from things you need to work on as individuals to strengthen the unit.
2. Am I happy individually?
Although a baby can bring happiness and joy to a couple, a baby cannot make a person who is unhappy feel happy or fulfilled. Happiness and fulfillment comes from within. Of course there is no expectation for you to have accomplished every single goal on your life-plan before having a baby. That would be unreasonable, however, you should be at peace with whatever place you are at in life and have faith that whatever you desire to achieve can still be achieved while growing your family.
3. Are you ready to sacrifice?
Having a child does not mean that your 'life' is over, however, it does change some things. There will be another person to consider and sometimes that means giving up some of the things you wanted to do temporarily. If you wanted to go back to school would you be willing to hold off or go at a slower rate? Are you okay with turning those romantic vacations into family vacations? Are you ready to alter your social life and plan around your family? Are you okay altering your career goals? Talk over these types of things in advance so there will be no resentment
towards the baby or each other later.
4. Do we share the same vision on raising children?
Ideally this is something talked about before entering into a committed relationship, but many couples do not discuss these things. You should have a common, shared vision for child rearing.
I hope this helps you and your partner to get the discussion started on rather or not you are spiritually and mentally ready for a baby. In part two, I will discuss more logistical things to consider such as finances and health.
~ Sister Casey
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Sis. Freya is the creator of RootMama. She loves encouraging women to achieve greatness.
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